Admiral Ackbar testifies, “New Hampshire’s a trap!”

Who woulda thought that there’s a retreat for vegan toy collectors? Well, there isn’t. So I had to pretend. And I think I did a pretty good job. The in-laws have a log cabin (and by “cabin”, I mean a very decent sized house) in the hills of New Hampshire near Newfound Lake – isolated with lots of empty land around it. So I needn’t feel self-conscious about enjoying breakfast outside with a newly acquired Admiral Ackbar and taking advantage of photo ops like this…

The rebel leader knew we’d have an easier time outrunning a Star Destroyer than we would finding a Whole Foods for miles, or any grocery store for that matter. So he made some tofu scramble with Daiya cheese ahead of time and packed plenty of Field Roast Italian Sausage and hash browns. I supplied the ketchup. I put ketchup on my ketchup! If you can’t tell from the pics, the weather was idyllic and the setting more so.


We left the Admiral to strategize our next meal and drove a ways down the road to Sculptured Rock. Water flows down from the mountains, alternating between miniature white water rapids and calm streams. There are some modest cliffs and polished rocks that we picked our way thru and got our feet wet for a couple of hours. The North American Schnoodle was definitely in his element.

When we got back, ol’ Acky hadn’t done any cooking at all. Instead, he’d uncovered the booze and was doing his impression of a 15 yr old school girl whose parents left her alone on the weekend for the first time. So we whipped up something quick & easy. We’d brought lettuce from our garden and put together a simple salad, including avocado, along with some of Whole Foods’ vegan chicken salad on the side. Soooo tasty – especially with watermelon schnapps and grape soda. Wouldn’t you agree, Admiral?

Fun in the sun + girly drinks + food coma = nappy time. And even if it didn’t, no one’s gonna deny me a nap outside on the lawn when I’m on a real vacation. ‘Turns out that nuthin’ puts Mr. Wallace Bauer to sleep quicker than a swim followed by quality cuddles in the grass.

It was when we woke up from our rest that we finally figured something out. When our friend the fish-headed military leader wasn’t busy helming a starship, he liked to hit the booze. A lot. We were told that this was a “Mon Calamari Cruiser” and that he’d just invented it with whatever he could reach in the cupboards. In this case it was some Starbucks coffee liqueur and unsweetened soymilk blended with ice. Oh, momma! Those things pack a lot of inspiration and we had a second one just to be sure. Best. Grown-up. Coffee. Drink. Ever! An excellent plan of attack, Admiral.

After almost 2 glorious days, it was time to power up the USS Nebuchad-nerdser and pilot it back home. We did manage to squeeze in some last-minute vegan goodness in Bristol. One of our favorite haunts is there, the Mill Fudge Factory. No typical New England candy shop here – no, sir! A coffeehouse ambiance with outdoor seating by a rushing river and quite a varied menu, including beer, wine, and musical acts on the weekends. But we were there for the dairy-free vanilla. They serve it with a plethora of “swirl-in” flavors. We sampled the pumpkin pie variety and the brownie. A highly recommended oasis of nom-nom in a quaint, small town setting. Since our last visit to Bristol, two places next to the Fudge Factory had just opened – the Cornucopia Bakery and Blue Skies Natural Foods. Both owned by the same people, Cornucopia serves this amazing vegan chocolate chip cookie and all sorts of coffee shop drinks. Blue Skies has bulk items and vegetarian grocery options – WOO-HOO!! They had a deli counter that even offered… *deep breath*… sandwiches with Field Roast “meats!” So now we know where our first stop will be the next time we head back up there.

Any suggestions on who would make a better travel companion then Admiral Ackbar when it comes to kitchen duty?

Phantom of the Vegan Italian Sausage Penne

The stars of early horror films cap-
tivated my interest during my mid twenties. I became aware of the artistry required to commu-
nicate the unreal and the fantastic when filmmaking tech-
nology was in its infancy. Bela Lugosi, Boris Karloff, and Lon Chaney Sr. were all heroes to me. But Chaney holds a special place in film history because of how he literally (and I hate when that word is used in cases that are not literal) transformed himself to fill each role. Probably his most well-known portrayal is of the Phantom of the Opera. What was special about Chaney’s makeup is that he did it all himself with methods he had devised. And remember the context, the era – when audiences first see the Phantom’s face revealed on-screen, no one had seen anything that horrific outside of their imaginations. Audience members were said to have fainted at the sight. Of the techniques Chaney used in that role, one was to pull his nose back with a wire underneath the makeup and another was to draw his lips tight with tiny prongs. To be sure, many of his methods caused him no small amount of pain. His spine suffered lasting affects from the rigging he used to contort his body in roles like the Hunchback of Notre Dame.
Lon Chaney Jr may not have achieved the level of success that his pop did, but we couldn’t leave him out. The Wolfman from 1941 is far too iconic and earned him his own place in the monster hall of fame.

We mentioned before when we were planning to make a vegan Father’s Day meal for the in-laws. Well, you’ve never seen such a happy bunch of omnivores at a vegetarian meal! It all disappeared pretty fast, and we gotta say, it’s no surprise. The recipe is Italian Sausage Rigatoni with Balsamic Onions & Cherry Tomatoes – it comes from Gene Bauer’s Farm Sanctuary site and was submitted by the fine folks (hi, Jennifer!) over at Field *yum!* Roast. It’s super easy to make and we’ll definitely be unleashing it on another unsuspecting audience as soon as we get the chance.

4 sliced Field Roast Italian Sausages
1 lb uncooked rigatoni pasta (we used penne)
1 thin sliced Sweet Yellow onion
2 cloves minced garlic
1 pint halved Cherry tomatoes
1 cup pitted & halved Kalamata olives
1/2 cup olive oil
Parsley
Salt and pepper

Cook pasta as directed on the package, add salt when water comes to a boil. Using a non stick skillet heat 1/2 of olive oil on medium high heat. Add sliced onions, cook until they begin to turn golden. Add garlic then add balsamic vinegar and allow to reduce 5-10 mins. Remove onions and add remaining oil to pan. Add sausage and brown on both sides. Add onion mixture back into the pan, stirring until well coated. Remove from heat and add remaining ingredients, toss with pasta and serve. Turn suddenly to your guests and freak ’em out by *$&#%ing up yer face. Oops, wrong directions.

X-Men hungrily defuse vegan steak bomb sandwich

The newest X-Men film opened last week, the 23rd comic book movie released this summer. ‘Haven’t had time to get to a theater yet, but the doctors tell me I should be ok until I do. Don’t mistake my procrastination for disdain. I don’t mind when Hollywood changes some cosmetics or crunches plot lines to accom-
modate a 118 minute film. I hope it’s terrific. But it’s not the team I grew up with. The classic X-Men will always be special to me. Not because those books I read were “edgy” or because, unlike Spider-Man and the Hulk, they flew under the radar of mainstream pop culture. But because they were ripe with emotion. To read ’em now, they seem a little clumsy. But consider the books they shared the shelves with in the late 70s and early 80s. When new team member and teenager Kitty Pryde entered into that mutant superhero team, her awkwardness was a beacon for my simmering, pre-teen angst. None of these characters were adult or established like Bruce Wayne, or had normal problems like Peter Parker. These were outcast misfits. And who had two thumbs and considered himself an outcast misfit? They didn’t always win the day, and sometimes they didn’t even know what the right thing was to do. But unlike Captain America or Superman, they were part of a team – a group of people who were alike in their differences and they had each other to rely on. I really wanted to be on that team.

Evidently, my friend LeeAnn has a mutant ability: creating first class vegan recipes for classic meat sandwiches. This “steak” bomb sandwich is… uh, the bomb. Her inspired element is the Tofutti sour cream. I found it in a regular grocery store, which was refreshing, but it might take ya some looking. I don’t think I got all my proportions just right, but I’m gonna share the directions that were given to me – feel free to alter as you see fit.

Boca Frozen meat crumbles
1 red pepper
1 green pepper
4 large button mushrooms
4 medium-lg shiitake mushrooms
(I find mushrooms yucky, so I used a total of 4 shiitake ones)
3 Tbsp of Kens Italian Dressing
2 TBSP of teriyaki steak marinade
Tofutti Sour Supreme
garlic salt
olive oil

Heat olive oil in lg frying pan, add veggies and start cooking. While veggies are frying, defrost meat crumbles in microwave. When veggies are almost fully cooked, add meat crumbles. Mix in Italian dressing and sprinkle garlic salt over meat/veg and stir as it continues to cook. After meat looks done add 2 TBSP teriyaki. Stir til fully mixed and add 4 spoonfuls of Tofutti Sour Supreme. Stir and remove from heat. Salt & pepper.
My team and I broke with a house rule and did not use whole wheat bread – it just didn’t seem right. And man, that sandwich was good! This made about 3 sandwiches and works hot or cold.
Looks like the team has a new member.

‘Just want to share a personal triumph with all of you who are nice enough to visit my little site. I found out this week that Pee Wee Herman tweeted my blog back in April. When I got 3800+ views that day, I was informed that it was most likely robo-views from spam sites. Now I know better. The fact that it wasn’t just someone famous, but someone famous AND who I think is cool as $#!* has got me a little light headed. Paging Mr Herman, if you ever see this… THANK YOU!

Did you notice that veggie loaf lurking in Jabba the Hutt’s palace?

Return of the Jedi was the first movie that I saw in the theater twice. In the same week no less. In May of 1983 I was 11 years old and I’d already gone to see it with my parents. It was the end of my fifth grade school year and I was a member of the (nerd alert!) school safety patrol. Our teacher, Ms. Mannie, decided to treat the safety guards to a day out. We had lunch at McDonald’s. We were allowed to pick out one item at Waldenbooks. And we all went to see the third (and what we were certain would be the last) Star Wars movie. I took more than a little pride in the fact that I already knew how awesome the speeder bike chase was and which Ewok was gonna end up taking a dirt nap. However, the most captivating part of the movie to me was the opening segment in Jabba the Hutt’s palace. For sheer number of über cool aliens per square foot, it blew away anything like that we’d ever seen before, including the iconic Cantina scene in the original Star Wars. I doubt even the most die-hard Star Wars fan could name all the creepy characters. But that didn’t stop toy manufacturer Hasbro from producing every one of them – even ones you can barely glimpse in the shadowy background. We couldn’t know at the time that the Star Wars merchandise juggernaut would eventually offer figures of guys like Elephant Mon, Hermi Odle, or Amanaman. But 11 yr old me would’ve gladly traded in my neon safety orange belt and hard hat for the action figures that’re available today.

In this wretched hive of scum & villainy, we’re serving up the grain and garden vegetable mosaic loaf from The Vegan Chef. It’s got everything from the garden and the kitchen sink in it. We’ve been liking it topped off with tomato sauce. It’s a great summer veggie loaf, not that it’s been feeling like summer yet. But when it gets hotter, try this out on your most ruthless gangster Hutt.

What’s your favorite childhood, moviegoing memory?