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Last weekend, my staff wanted to do something special for V ’cause it was November 5th. Y’know, he’s always walking around quoting the poem about Guy Fawkes –

Remember remember the fifth of November
Gunpowder, treason and plot.
I see no reason why gunpowder, treason
Should ever be forgot…

It’s a little off-putting because ya can’t tell through the mask if he’s saying it to you or to himself, or maybe he’s not even aware that he’s saying it – it’s just become a habit. Then ya start to wonder if something in the kitchen is going to blow up when the oven timer goes off. *sigh* Frankly, we don’t let him out much for this very reason, just in case. But he’s okay with that, what with all his books and art collection and stuff.

Let’s put aside the fact that the mask has become associated with the group Anonymous. And let’s try to forget that the events surrounding Guy Fawkes have been largely misconstrued in this modern age. Here’s something that’s irrefutable. V for Vendetta by Alan Moore and David Lloyd is one of the most beautiful stories told in comic book form that you’re likely to find. Do yourself a big favor someday before you die and pick up the softcover collection. It’s the perfect comic book for people who aren’t into capes and superpowers. Yes, it stars a mystery man (?) named V, but it’s much more about the ensemble cast of real people who populate his agenda and their motivations in this Orwellian future. It’s gripping and Moore reveals the interconnectedness of each event in a way that will make your head spin. It’s another one of the books that I make a point of reading every year or two.
Back to our special meal on 11/5. My co-writers opted for another PPK selection, chickpea cutlets. It’s originally from Spark Recipes, but I think this version is easier to manage. Let me tell ya, these really surprised us. The patties aren’t crumblely and they don’t taste like chickpeas. They’re dense and filling, like a meat dish. We really liked how the lemon evened everything out and kept the taste from being predictable. The instructions call for frying, but we fried them for only a short time and baked them for the remainder to keep it a little less greasy.


1 16 oz can chickpeas, drained and rinsed
1/4 cup extra virgin olive oil
1 cup vital wheat gluten
1 cup plain breadcrumbs
1/2 cup vegetable broth or water
1/4 cup soy sauce
1 teaspoon dried thyme
1 teaspoon paprika
1/2 teaspoon dried sage
Olive oil for pan frying
4 cloves garlic, pressed or grated with a Microplane grater
1 teaspoon grated lemon zest

We used a food processor to pulse the chickpeas. You don’t wanna turn ’em into humus, so be careful not to puree them, just get them mashed up. You can also sneak the garlic cloves in here instead of grating them, just pulse them up before adding the chickpeas. In a bowl, combine the chickpeas & garlic with the remaining ingredients and knead together for about 3 minutes, until strings of gluten have formed. Preheat a large pan or skillet over low-medium heat.
Begin dividing the cutlet dough into halves until you have 8 pieces. Knead each piece in your hand for a few moments and then flatten and stretch each one. Add a thin layer of olive oil to the bottom of the pan. Place the cutlets in the pan and cook on each side. We did this until they began to brown and then took ’em off to bake them, about 10-15 minutes on each side at 350 oughtta do it.


You might expect that while it’s healthier, the baking does dry the patties out a little bit. We spruced ’em up with some vegan sour cream by Follow Your Heart.
Verily, it is veridicous of us to say to the ventripotent and vegetivorous that this dish had nothing to do with a vaccary, nor is it volucrine, but it will satisfy a voracious appetite and make the eater feel as tho’ her or she is volitorial.

Remember remember the fifth of November
Gluten, chickpeas and sage.
You’ll soon see why these chickpeas
Are soon to be the rage.

Today’s post will have to be brief because it takes about an hour for me to massage the feeling back into my legs before returning to another day at the New York Comic Con. I got here for the VIP/press registration on Thursday, and my feet still haven’t forgiven me. This’ll be the big day – it’s Saturday and the Masquerade is tonight, so all the really serious cosplayers will have arrived. And believe me, it was crowded to begin with. Just as good as the con has been the food. Thank you, New York! So far, the vegan/nerd-gasm that my trip has been is like this:

… this:

…and this:

Which begs the age-old question, is it Boba Fett dressed as a chicken? Or is it a chicken dressed as Boba Fett? Check back in a couple of days and I might have an answer. I’ll certainly have a play-by-play of why I left my stomach in New York and why I have to take out a second mortgage on the house. *Sigh* ALL WORTH IT!

For years, it’s been widely accepted that the Jawa expression “Utinni!”
roughly translated as, “No matter how much I showered at the beach, I’m still finding sand in parts of my body that I didn’t even know I had!” But after a couple of days spent in Cape Cod, I suspect it has other uses. Possibly, “I insist we find a place to eat with vegan options!”

But one thing’s for sure – no matter how many of the li’l buggers ya gotta drag along with ya, if a friend offers you the keys to a beach cottage during the off-season, grab your Jawas and go for it. We stayed on the bayside of Eastham with a 2 minute walk along some winding paths to First Encounter beach. Heavenly, I tells ya. Mr Wallace Herbert Bauer came along ’cause A) he was able to cancel a prior engagement, and B) dogs are footloose and fancy-free on the beaches after Labor
Day, bitches!! He’s definitely a fan of sun & fun by the water. Even a couple of doses of Clonidine to take the edge off his nerves in the new surroundings didn’t slow ‘im down once his paws hit the sand.
We met up with a friend who volunteers at the Wellfleet Bay Wildlife Sanctuary. They recover marsh turtle eggs that might not otherwise survive and nurture them until they can survive on their own. The pic doesn’t show you just how active this little guy was, blinking and looking around while he “paddled” his flippers about.

Our friends took us to Karoo Kafe in Provincetown for the sake of vegan options and outdoor seating that’s pooch friendly. I love this place. It’s on the main drag but secluded enough that it’s relaxed and peaceful. We shared a Mediterranean platter of appetizers – the menu has plenty of omnivore choices, but definitely a variety of vegetarian, vegan and gluten-free options too. I like how everything’s clearly color coded on the menu. I’m gonna recommend the pumpkin kibi that I had, but Laurie definitely enjoyed her Mediterranean pita.

We spent the rest of the afternoon at Herring Cove Beach. I grew up in Fort Lauderdale, but I’m sorry – New England beaches kick Florida beaches sandy asses. C’mon, we went to 3 different beaches in 2 days and they were all different, all terrific. We were told that along this strip in P-Town, it’s the only place in the US where you can watch both a sunrise and sunset on the Atlantic Ocean. We spread our blankets and the 3 of us took a nap. Now it’s a vacation! Chalk up day one as a perfect 10.

“Utinni” without excitement translates as, “Do we really have to go home already?” The bittersweet edge was taken off our second/final day by the fact that the weather was nothing but perfect the whole time. We pretended that the cottage was our new forever home and headed off to Nauset Light Beach on the ocean side. The missus actually went into the surf, Wally went in up to his chest, and I ventured in up to the ankles. I don’t think anything moves faster than a Schnoodle running in and out of the surf, around in circles.
After a couple hours of sun drenched bliss and some insight into undersea communication, it was lunch time and we needed food, stat! But were without any native assistance. Ya gotta love the super combo of a smart phone and Yelp! In a few moments we were in Orleans, the next town over. JoMama’s won the best-meal-of-our-stay award with their cold Toga Sandwich and hot Scottie, done vegan style with soy bacon. This’ll be our new must-stop on the way down from now on.
We said goodbye to the last sandy bag of dog poop at the cottage, and got on 6 West for one last stop in Mashpee to meet a friend from Falmouth. He came thru for us, bearing gifts of action figures and a great idea for dinner. We put the screws to ‘im and said it has to be vegan as well as dog friendly (makes ya never wanna invite us over, huh?). It appeared that Wicked is a small chain of Chili’s/Friday’s type places – maybe not somewhere I would’ve thought of, but they were prepared to serve Mr Bauer like a proper customer and the veggie burgers were above par. Delicious sandwich and delicious fries. And yes, I had a Peach Cosmopolitan – if you think that sounds funny, you should’ve been there to hear me say it out loud. The two perfect days were capped off when it was time for Wally to relieve himself before getting back in the car for the final stretch. Laurie herself had enjoyed some sangria and cheered, “Good boy made piddles!” Mr There-isn’t-much-liquor-in-my-Peach-Cosmopolitan cheerfully and loudly responded, “Daddy made piddles, too!” before seeing the sullen, middle-aged man sitting in the car next to us. Ah, well… fortunately we won’t have to go thru Mashpee again to get back to our cottage paradise.

The Vitamix! It does more than a blender because it is more than a blender! Use it to chop, blend, cook, cream, grind, knead, churn, emulsify, (what?) crush, whisk, frappé, purée, powder, and whip!
Oh, my – what just happened to me? Oh yeah, I JUST GOT A FLIPPIN’ VITAMIX, YO! *ahem* Let me just clarify that I am not in the habit of buying products that are sold slap-chop style in a grocery store on a table strewn with crumpled paper cups and food debris. But every time that Vince Max poured a fresh concoction outta his still smokin’ Vitamix 5200, it was the best (insert soup, dessert, smoothie, etc. here) ever. No matter how yummy the fresh and raw food was though, $499 is a little steep for a guy who’s got giant apes to buy.
Fortunately, me & the li’l lady are finally gettin’ hitched, so in-laws to the rescue! Yayyy, matrimony. In a couple of weeks, we will be hip deep in wedded bliss, but for now we will make do with this oh-so-amazing contraption!
In all seriousness, it’s worth every penny. One of the secrets to the Vitamix is its speed. Its blades aren’t any sharper than a run-of-the-mill blender, but the Boeing 747 engine housed in the base will blast the *$^#% outta seeds and pulp. So smoothies are smoother and you can make stuff like dairy-free ice cream ’cause it pulverizes the ice. And it comes with some totally awesome extras like a recipe book (with a very clever built-in easel so you can stand it on your kitchen counter), a DVD, and a book on the nutritional advantage to the foods you’ll be making. Last night, we made ice cream using frozen berries, cashews, agave, and ice – berry smooth and delicious. Kong is enjoying a juice smoothie that he requested – it’s got carrots, clementines, a lime, ice, water, and as many bananas as he wants.

My list of top 10 movies has changed over the years, but The Iron Giant is one of the few entries that’s always present. When it came out in 1999, an animated movie was still a big deal. That may be hard to recall, seeing as how there’s one released practically every other weekend now. Even more nerd-tastic was that this mostly hand-drawn feature film cartoon was about a giant robot!
In case you’ve never seen it, know two things: 1) you need to be here tonight and I’ll stop whatever I’m doing to watch it with you, and 2) don’t be misled by the trailer – this isn’t a simple, Disney-esque family outing. One of the big reasons that it remains on my list of all-time favs is the film touches on some very deep ideas, like “what’s a soul?” Whoa. The emotionally charged scenes are just as touching today as when I first saw it, but they’ve developed a deeper meaning for me. For the context of this site, I’m thinking of the scene where the robot and his friend Hogarth discover a deer killed by hunters. Hogarth has to explain the finality of death to the Giant and how the deer is never coming back. That moment really stuck with me, even when I ate meat. Of course, everyone who sees it agrees to buy stock in Kleenex after the last 10 minutes. Kudos to Brad Bird, who went on to do The Incredibles, for striking the perfect note at the end without discounting the fact that he’d just managed to pull every one of our heart-strings.



If your tastes lean toward snacks without metal in them, try this Nutty Red Pepper and Basil Dip. We made it for the first time this week and ended up with so much that it seemed like a good idea to freeze some of it. Well, the first batch lasted two days, so I ended up thawing the second container and that’s gone now, too. It goes great with any chip – I tried tortilla, olive, and these sesame rice crackers – all delicious. Thanks, Whole Foods! Here’s what you’ll need –

1 1/2 cups raw, unsalted cashews or macadamia nuts
1/4 cup nutritional yeast
2 garlic cloves
3 tablespoons lemon juice
3/4 cup lightly packed fresh basil leaves
3 tablespoons tahini
1 1/3 cups chopped roasted red bell pepper

Soak the cashews in cold water for 4 hours. Then stick ’em in a food processor. Add remaining ingredients and process until smooth – we ended up with a consistency perfect for spreading. Add more water if you prefer a thinner dip or if you would like to use it as a sauce. If you can cry and eat at the same time, this’ll be perfect to enjoy during an Iron Giant viewing.
Did I mention cartoons can make me cry?

You’d think that if giant lizards being ridden by soldiers were going to appear in a film for less than a minute, one toy based on them would be enough. Well, you’d be wrong. In 1977’s Star Wars, special Stormtroopers called (wrap yer head around this) Sandtroopers are seen riding huge reptiles that are called Dewbacks. Despite their short time on-screen, a toy version soon followed. While those of us who played with ’em couldn’t imagine anything cooler, even we thought it a little odd that in order for a Stormptrooper (yeah, just a plain old Stormtrooper – pfffft!) to ride it, you had to stick his legs thru a trap door in the lizard’s back. Uh, okay.
When George Lucas re-released the film with additional *shudder* computer-enhanced footage, there was more to be seen of the Dewbacks – more than just one now appeared in the scene, and rather than a bobbing head of what had been a giant puppet (see awesome photo below), we were “treated” to a full view of a walking Dewback. Judge for yourself in the clip below how well that went. Regardless, new footage equals new toy. This one wasn’t even green! What the heck kinda lizard is that?! Well, at least we got a ‘trooper who could spread his legs and sit astride the thing properly. Finally, with the release of Episode I: the Phantom Menace in 1999, a herd of Dewbacks appear in the background. THE BACKGROUND! No machine has been invented that could measure how short their onscreen time was. Doesn’t matter. New toy. Even tho’ no Sandtroopers were riding them this time, this was now considered the official version, so Kermit gets a new look. The upside is that this third version’s scale is more accurate and the rider looks great.
Now please… NO. MORE. DEWBACKS. My collection can’t handle it.


Part of the face-stuffing fest that was this past holiday weekend included a heaping helping of vegan nachos and cheez. What hard-working Sandtrooper hasn’t ended a day of shoveling
Dewback-doo with a pile of this awesomeness? Well, we found a new spin to put on it. The first layer on top of the nachos is a mixture using TVP (textured vegetable protein – Whole Foods sells Bob’s Red Mill brand, our fav, way better than Morningstar crumblers), fried onions, garlic salt, and crushed tomatoes. Rehydrate the TVP according to the package instructions, chop up an onion and throw the other goodies in there. Then spread that over the chips, adding whatever else you desire. We went with Daiya mozzarella style shreds, salsa, green chiles, and refried beans before tossing it in the oven to bake. Top it off with some Tofutti sour cream.
Dewbacks are a major asset in the desert because they can go days without water. But they can’t go more than 2 hours without sitting down to a pile of Mama Johnston’s son’s vegan nachos!

Raise yer hand if you think marshmallows are vegan? Oh, ok – just me then. Your typical marshmallow is made with gelatin, aka animal hides & bones. And even if you find a kind that’s made with agar instead of gelatin, it may be made with egg whites. *sigh* It’s just a marshmallow, consarn it! You think something so simple would be a little more… simple. Hurray for Dandies, air-puffed marshmallows with a “classic vanilla flavor.” Vegan, gelatin free, and gluten-free – we almost ate the whole bag before Cap got a chance to stick ’em in the fire. That Sweet Chocolate Dream bar is some of the smoothest chocolate we’ve tasted – just like milk chocolate.

The first recorded appearance of “some mores” predates Captain America by a few years. In 1927, Loretta Scott Crew was credited with the recipe in a Girl Scout cookbook. I’ll confess right here and now, I never went to summer camp and I’ve never been camping (start the hate mail), so there’s been little call for s’mores in my life. But when I was little I was allowed to hold marshmallows over the gas stove burner and have ’em roasted, so I’m not completely un-American. The Sentinel of Liberty took a break from promoting his new movie and showed me the error of my ways. Maybe on July 22nd (really, Marvel? You couldn’t have pulled some strings and gotten this movie opened on 4th of July weekend?) we’ll figure out a way to make s’mores in the theater without setting off the fire alarms.

Okay, so I found a way to relate this post to food on the fourth of July, but I easily could’ve just gushed for several paragraphs about how excited I am for this movie!!! ‘Looks like Hollywood saved the best comic book flick for last – trailers look awesome and I dig all the casting. I don’t even mind the real-world version of the costume – word is that we’ll see something a little more comic booky in future movies. So while I count down the seconds til opening day, let’s all sing our favorite cartoon theme song! (you can thank me for the ear worm later)

Who woulda thought that there’s a retreat for vegan toy collectors? Well, there isn’t. So I had to pretend. And I think I did a pretty good job. The in-laws have a log cabin (and by “cabin”, I mean a very decent sized house) in the hills of New Hampshire near Newfound Lake – isolated with lots of empty land around it. So I needn’t feel self-conscious about enjoying breakfast outside with a newly acquired Admiral Ackbar and taking advantage of photo ops like this…

The rebel leader knew we’d have an easier time outrunning a Star Destroyer than we would finding a Whole Foods for miles, or any grocery store for that matter. So he made some tofu scramble with Daiya cheese ahead of time and packed plenty of Field Roast Italian Sausage and hash browns. I supplied the ketchup. I put ketchup on my ketchup! If you can’t tell from the pics, the weather was idyllic and the setting more so.


We left the Admiral to strategize our next meal and drove a ways down the road to Sculptured Rock. Water flows down from the mountains, alternating between miniature white water rapids and calm streams. There are some modest cliffs and polished rocks that we picked our way thru and got our feet wet for a couple of hours. The North American Schnoodle was definitely in his element.


When we got back, ol’ Acky hadn’t done any cooking at all. Instead, he’d uncovered the booze and was doing his impression of a 15 yr old school girl whose parents left her alone on the weekend for the first time. So we whipped up something quick & easy. We’d brought lettuce from our garden and put together a simple salad, including avocado, along with some of Whole Foods’ vegan chicken salad on the side. Soooo tasty – especially with watermelon schnapps and grape soda. Wouldn’t you agree, Admiral?


Fun in the sun + girly drinks + food coma = nappy time. And even if it didn’t, no one’s gonna deny me a nap outside on the lawn when I’m on a real vacation. ‘Turns out that nuthin’ puts Mr. Wallace Bauer to sleep quicker than a swim followed by quality cuddles in the grass.

It was when we woke up from our rest that we finally figured something out. When our friend the fish-headed military leader wasn’t busy helming a starship, he liked to hit the booze. A lot. We were told that this was a “Mon Calamari Cruiser” and that he’d just invented it with whatever he could reach in the cupboards. In this case it was some Starbucks coffee liqueur and unsweetened soymilk blended with ice. Oh, momma! Those things pack a lot of inspiration and we had a second one just to be sure. Best. Grown-up. Coffee. Drink. Ever! An excellent plan of attack, Admiral.


After almost 2 glorious days, it was time to power up the USS Nebuchad-nerdser and pilot it back home. We did manage to squeeze in some last-minute vegan goodness in Bristol. One of our favorite haunts is there, the Mill Fudge Factory. No typical New England candy shop here – no, sir! A coffeehouse ambiance with outdoor seating by a rushing river and quite a varied menu, including beer, wine, and musical acts on the weekends. But we were there for the dairy-free vanilla. They serve it with a plethora of “swirl-in” flavors. We sampled the pumpkin pie variety and the brownie. A highly recommended oasis of nom-nom in a quaint, small town setting. Since our last visit to Bristol, two places next to the Fudge Factory had just opened – the Cornucopia Bakery and Blue Skies Natural Foods. Both owned by the same people, Cornucopia serves this amazing vegan chocolate chip cookie and all sorts of coffee shop drinks. Blue Skies has bulk items and vegetarian grocery options – WOO-HOO!! They had a deli counter that even offered… *deep breath*… sandwiches with Field Roast “meats!” So now we know where our first stop will be the next time we head back up there.

Any suggestions on who would make a better travel companion then Admiral Ackbar when it comes to kitchen duty?

The stars of early horror films cap-
tivated my interest during my mid twenties. I became aware of the artistry required to commu-
nicate the unreal and the fantastic when filmmaking tech-
nology was in its infancy. Bela Lugosi, Boris Karloff, and Lon Chaney Sr. were all heroes to me. But Chaney holds a special place in film history because of how he literally (and I hate when that word is used in cases that are not literal) transformed himself to fill each role. Probably his most well-known portrayal is of the Phantom of the Opera. What was special about Chaney’s makeup is that he did it all himself with methods he had devised. And remember the context, the era – when audiences first see the Phantom’s face revealed on-screen, no one had seen anything that horrific outside of their imaginations. Audience members were said to have fainted at the sight. Of the techniques Chaney used in that role, one was to pull his nose back with a wire underneath the makeup and another was to draw his lips tight with tiny prongs. To be sure, many of his methods caused him no small amount of pain. His spine suffered lasting affects from the rigging he used to contort his body in roles like the Hunchback of Notre Dame.
Lon Chaney Jr may not have achieved the level of success that his pop did, but we couldn’t leave him out. The Wolfman from 1941 is far too iconic and earned him his own place in the monster hall of fame.


We mentioned before when we were planning to make a vegan Father’s Day meal for the in-laws. Well, you’ve never seen such a happy bunch of omnivores at a vegetarian meal! It all disappeared pretty fast, and we gotta say, it’s no surprise. The recipe is Italian Sausage Rigatoni with Balsamic Onions & Cherry Tomatoes – it comes from Gene Bauer’s Farm Sanctuary site and was submitted by the fine folks (hi, Jennifer!) over at Field *yum!* Roast. It’s super easy to make and we’ll definitely be unleashing it on another unsuspecting audience as soon as we get the chance.

4 sliced Field Roast Italian Sausages
1 lb uncooked rigatoni pasta (we used penne)
1 thin sliced Sweet Yellow onion
2 cloves minced garlic
1 pint halved Cherry tomatoes
1 cup pitted & halved Kalamata olives
1/2 cup olive oil
Parsley
Salt and pepper

Cook pasta as directed on the package, add salt when water comes to a boil. Using a non stick skillet heat 1/2 of olive oil on medium high heat. Add sliced onions, cook until they begin to turn golden. Add garlic then add balsamic vinegar and allow to reduce 5-10 mins. Remove onions and add remaining oil to pan. Add sausage and brown on both sides. Add onion mixture back into the pan, stirring until well coated. Remove from heat and add remaining ingredients, toss with pasta and serve. Turn suddenly to your guests and freak ’em out by *$&#%ing up yer face. Oops, wrong directions.

It’s not even summer yet, but last week’s heat wave had us looking for ways to stay cool. Hmmmm, whatever is a toy-collecting vegan to do?
#1) Buy new toys! After letting the Star Wars collection fall by the wayside in favor of the capes & tights crowd, it was time to beef it up again with some of these very cool, new “vintage” figures. Dig that ol’ school packaging! Hasbro brought back the original card designs and characters, but with better photos and closer attention to detail. The card backs look just like the ones that were new when I was growing up, except the photos of the characters are terrific quality despite the fact that these guys appeared for mere seconds on film. The plastic’s got more articulation than you could shake a gaffi stick at. Real material in the costumes, removable accessories, and hyper real sculpts! Super-duper modern toy technology means that the figures look just like the aliens do on film. Check out Gamorrean Guard Jubnuk compared to his friend from the mid 90s. Ha, what a loser.

#2) Create a new, frozen dessert! Einstein was wrong – desperation is the mother of invention. A quick & easy vegan dessert had to happen in a hurry the other night lest we be fed to a caged Rancor. The result was our blog’s first original recipe! And we have to say, we’re pretty impressed with ourselves – it tastes a lot like cheesecake, just more bananay! Be warned: the less bananas you use, the less creamy the consistency. The first one we made with just bananas was perfect. But in the pictured version, we used too many berries and it turned out more icey. This dessert, like the Jundland Wastes, is not to be traveled lightly.


Fruit – berries, bananas, pineapple, mango, etc. – your choice
1 1/2 cups whole almonds
Dates or raisins
1/2 tsp salt
Non dairy milk – rice, milk, soy
(yeah, that’s all!)

Slice up fruit the night before and freeze it – we recommend about 3 bananas. For the crust, start with almonds in a food processor. Grind ’em till they’re pretty small, almost a powder. Begin to add either dates or raisins until it starts to stick together and forms sort of a dough – add salt. Pour mixture into a springform pan lined with wax or parchment paper. If you have any left over, that’s good – save it.
The filling – put your frozen fruit pieces in the food processor until they’re really small and slowly add non dairy milk to form a soft-serve texture. Pour into pan on top of crust – add any extra crust mixture over the top. Freeze overnight or at least until firm.
Now yer ready to bust your favorite toy out of his or her plastic prison and throw a dessert party!

What’s your favorite summer time dish?